Changing up the goals.

If you've been following me for a while, you will know that I've been on and off this weightloss journey for quite a while now. You will also know that I've pretty much been a failure with everything I've tried.
So, this time I'm changing up my goals.

I used to be so focused on my weight; I just wanted to drop pounds. If I didn't lose anything within the first week, I'd get really disheartened and start to lack motivation. I've done this so many times, that I've ended up hating my body. My body confidence was at such a low that I started to feel those depressive feelings that I hate so very much.

A month ago, I changed things up. I decided that enough was enough, and I needed to do something that wasn't a fatty diet, and change my lifestyle. I've told myself to not focus on the weight so much, but to focus on the way my body looks, feels, works. I took my 'before' photos, which may I add did not make me feel good, and set myself goals. My main goal now is to love my body for what is it; and I want to be strong and fit, and not just skinny. I think my 'skinny dreams' were so unrealistic. My body just isn't built that way. None of the women in my family are super slim, and I've never bee a 'skinny' girl. I'm a size 16, that's a fact. I'm also 5ft 10" and carry it pretty well. I have a gigantic arse, and big old thighs. I carry a lot of my weight on my bottom half, but I also carry a lot of it on the tops of my arms. I'm ok with this.

I've started going to the gym regularly, and I have fallen so in love with it. For a girl who always hated P.E. and sport growing up, this is huge. I love walking out of that building, sweaty and feeling accomplished. I love the feeling of getting my heart rate up, I love feeling my muscles burn. I feel like I'm doing something great.

In the past month, I haven't lost a single pound. Heck, I've even gained and lost a few along the way. But! I can see some changes in my body that I'm loving. The cellulite on my legs is much less, and muscle definition is starting to become visible, I wake up most morning far less bloated than I used to and my confidence is growing. Albeit slowly, but it is.  I'm trying to get into a bit of a routine with the exercise; deciding on which days are legs days and all that. Fitting the gym in with family life and other commitments is hard, but I'm trying my best to make it happen.

I do want to re-focus a tad on my diet. It's got a little out of hand and old habits have snuck back in. My plan to be completely plant based has gone totally out of the window, and I feel guilty after every non vegan meal I eat. So why do I keep doing it? I'm getting back to it, and hopefully I can say at the end of the year that I'm back on the plant based wagon for good. After 26 years of eating meat, fish and dairy, it's been a pretty hard habit to break; but I'm determined to do it.

If I do lose some weight along this journey, I'm not going to be mad. But it feels so good to not be obsessed with it. It's so nice to see results and feel good whilst achieving them.

I want to document this journey properly this time. I'll be posting an update every two weeks on a Thursday, and I'll cover anything I feel fits into this journey. It's on going and I don't have a end goal. I'll be talking about my exercise routines, recipes I love and things that have really boosted my confidence.

There's so much going around about body positivity at the moment, and I'm all for it. I've never been one to like what I look like, but I'm learning and teaching myself that it can be done. Your size doesn't define you. Your weight doesn't define you. Everyone has down days, but you are the only one that can built yourself into the person you want to be. For me, that's someone who's body confident; someone who doesn't care what others think of her. Someone who feels fit, and strong and energetic; and someone who is happy.

I hope you guys will follow me on this change of lifestyle, and I really hope I can inspire some of you too. At the end of the day, if you're not happy with any aspect of your life, change it. You only have one, right?

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